


June in Ten: Most of what I remember makes me sure

by NobleLandMermaid



Series: June in Ten [3]
Category: The Office (US)
Genre: Alternate Ending, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bittersweet, F/M, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-18 02:06:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12378645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NobleLandMermaid/pseuds/NobleLandMermaid
Summary: Ten years after Casino Night, Pam attends Jim's picnic, how have things changed between them?





	June in Ten: Most of what I remember makes me sure

Jim looked up the hill on the edge of the park nervously for what must have been the tenth time. It was actually Karen's idea to invite her to their picnic with a few of their friends and their friend's children. When Jim texted her an invite last week he hardly expected her to say yes. But Pam did and now Jim couldn't help but be anxious every time he looked up the hill.  
  
A child's cry pulled Jim from his thoughts and when he heard the plaintive, drawn out "Where's Kitty?!" he realized it was _his_ child crying. He quickly circled the table and found Maria sitting, big fat tears being wiped away from her round cheeks by her mother.  
  
"Jim, do you know where Kitty is?!" Karen was so drop-dead serious that Jim nearly laughed, but that was a one way ticket to the couch tonight. And she has a reason to be serious, Maria, their funny, adorable second child was also wildly emotional and things like misplacing her favorite toy could set her off for a solid hour.  
  
"I'm sure she had it when we left, it must be in the car," Jim said. The car keys were in his hand instantly and Karen has wordlessly told him he needed to check right now.  
  
In the distance, their seven-year-old Mason was tossing a frisbee with the other older children, so Jim started the trek to the parking lot solo. Climbing the small hill, he checked his phone for any messages, curious if she was lost or if she had decided to not come. This month actually marked nine years of him being in New York, a little over nine years since Jim had returned from his corporate interview with David Wallace. Pam was the first person he told: he had been offered the position and he thought he should take it.  
  
Maybe without the year of miscommunication and miscues before his announcement, she would have realized he silently was asking her, begging her, for a reason not to go, to tell him exactly what she had meant by her beach day speech because he just couldn't handle being told he has misinterpreting things once again. Or maybe she did realize but in her Pam way just smiled a smile that never reached her eyes and said it was an amazing opportunity, she was happy for him, and hoped they would remain friends even with the distance. And they actually did; he chatted with her like old times when he visited Scranton, and she would text him occasionally with a silly, safe comment or observation.  
  
Jim reached their hatchback and started rummaging in the back. Under the passenger's seat was Maria's stuffed kitty, once snow white but now a fairly uniform gray. He brushed some crumbs off Kitty and started back to the picnic.  
  
"Excuse me," Jim smiled despite himself when he heard the soft voice, "can you direct us to the Halpert picnic?"  
  
He turned and only let his eyes quickly flick up and down once but that was more than enough to see she was stunning in a white sundress dotted with little pink flowers, her hair loose and down, just brushing her bare shoulders. "It's really more the Filippelli picnic," Jim said, his gaze moving down her arm to a little hand belonging to an apple-cheeked boy. "Hey, Jackson, what's up little man?"  
  
Jackson gave Jim a shy smile before hiding behind his mother's skirt. He had just turned three and had a mop of hair far darker than Pam's but did get her green eyes and shy but sweet temperament.  
  
Jim's eyes returned to Pam as the three started down the park slope. "Where's Will?"  
  
"Store run, the macaroni salad we brought from home was starting to turn."  
  
"Can't have that," Jim said, noticing Pam looking at the furry critter in his hands. "Maria's kitty," he explained, "who she oh so cleverly named ‘Kitty', she can't be without it."  
  
"Ah yeah, only thing keeping this one from running off is I have his dinosaur toys in my purse."  
  
"Oh, we're in the dino phase now?" Jim said, looking down to the little boy.  
  
"Are we ever. Jackson, can you tell Jim what a dinosaur says?"  
  
Jackson looked up to Jim, a mischievous grin he definitely inherited from his mother passing over his face before he took a breath and went, "Raaaaawwwwr!"  
  
Jim's eyebrows shot up his forehead and he looked at Pam with a laugh, "Wow."  
  
"Oh, thank god," a frazzled Karen said, jogging up to Jim. She took Kitty and then turned to Pam. "Hi Pam, I gotta get my daughter to stop crying before I lose my grip."  
  
Karen rushed away and Pam gave Jim a quick smile before Jackson tugged her skirt as asked where his dinos were. She walked with him to the tarp laid out for everyone and began to get him set up.  
  
* * * * *  
  
About a year after he left Scranton for corporate, Pam started telling Jim about her interest in digital art and possibly doing a design program in New York. He of course encouraged her and pulled some strings to get her a part time job as she attended the Pratt Institute.  
  
It was nice having Pam nearby again, dropping by each other's desks at work, occasionally having lunch together, though Jim would be lying if he said he didn't sometimes feel a little tug in his chest when he saw her, or that he never wondered about things being different if only he hadn't left Scranton and if only he never start dating Karen and if only he turned down the job at corporate and asked out Pam instead. _If only, if only._  
  
But he was mostly about to convinced himself friendship was all he wanted and needed. And Pam did the same, always managing to keep things friendly and light. She even made an honest effort to befriend Karen and after Karen's skepticism of Pam subsided they started getting along very well. Jim often thought they would have been the closest of friends if things were different.  
  
Of course, Jim and Karen were having their own issues that had nothing to do with Pam (well, mostly). Moving in together made it all the more clear their interests were different. They only ever seemed to start discussing what they really wanted in life after several drinks and those life plans didn't seem very compatible: she wanted the NYC life, hip restaurants and gallery opening, he saw nothing wrong with a movie and some pizza as a Manhattan date. He knew he wanted kids, at least two, she see-sawed between kids in five year or maybe 10 or maybe not at all.  
  
The fights, which there were more of in New York than Scranton, started becoming common until they stopped and then all communication was distant and impersonal. Jim marveled at how Karen could still put on a happy face on lunches with Pam and at company events then not say two words to each other on the way home. At night they still occasionally reached for each other, but it felt like a last ditch effort to find that connection that Jim wondered if they ever actually had.  
  
One Monday, Karen left a note one day saying she was staying with a friend and she'd figure something more permanent by the end of the month. Jim knew he should have been upset or angry, but all he felt was relief. That Friday he received a text from Pam asking when she can expect them to be in Brooklyn for dinner. It was a plan they had set a couple weeks prior and Jim nearly text back that they couldn't make it, but instead he simply said "7pm".  
  
They met at the corner of the Pratt campus and Pam's wide smile quickly faded to concern when she saw Karen was not with him. He initially fibbed, saying Karen was kept very late by a work thing and may join them for drinks later. Halfway into dinner he confessed that Karen had left him. Pam was sweet, offering a sympathetic ear through dinner, a cocktail after, and the walk back to student housing where he saw her listed on her door as a "residential advisor."  
  
"So there's no drinking in the dorms," Pam said, unlocking the deadbolt and waltzing into her decently sized room. Jim hesitated for a second before crossing the threshold, and Pam walked over to a mini-fridge, "but I won't tell the RA if you don't." She turned back to him with a Coke can in one hand and a couple rum shooters in the other.  
  
"This room is pretty nice, Beesly." He sat on the bed as Pam mixed up a couple drinks on the top of her dresser. She took a seat next to him, and they 'clicked' their plastic cups together and start to sip the fizzy sweet drink.  
  
"I'm really sorry about Karen," Pam said quietly.  
  
"Yeah," Jim said. He stared at his shoes and took a breath. "Do you ... do you ever think about how different things would be if you just made a little change? Like picked a different college or found a different job or ... "  
  
"Or dumped a good-for-nothing fiance when you should have? Yeah, thoughts like that sometimes cross my mind." Pam said with a forced laugh.  
  
Jim looked up to Pam and watched her smile fade before she started studying the bubbles in her glass.  
  
"But, you can't change the past, you just have now and a hope that what you do now might help shape the future." Jim watched her intently until she finally lifted her head and made eye contact. "What?" she said, smile dancing on her lips.  
  
"That was just . . . very poignant, Pam," Jim replied. He watched her for another moment, his hand lifting to start playing with one of her curls. Her breath hitched and her eyes darted between his hand. He took the cup from her and set it along with his own on her nightstand. With both hands now free, he turned back and placed them on either side of her face, tilting his head and leaning in until their lips finally touched.  
  
She tasted like sugar and something slightly fruity, and when he gently parted her lips with his tongue it was like a shot of rum, a warmth rushing down his chest to his toes then back up to his belly. There was pull on his neck and soon he was lying on the bed with Pam underneath him. They kissed and kissed, his hand traveling down her neck, brushing the side of her breast and then settling in the dip of her waist.  
  
A buzz came from his jeans and Jim was almost worried this was all a dream and that buzz was his alarm clock. "Is that a phone vibrating in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" Pam said quietly and Jim laughed.  
  
"Um, probably both," he replied, her soft giggle making him feel every bit as fuzzy as their cocktails. He reached into his pocket, looked at the screen and his face must have fallen because Pam instantly inquired if it was Karen. "Yeah." He hit silent and tossed the phone somewhere on the bed by their feet. "I'm focusing on the ‘now' currently."  
  
Pam giggled again and accepted a few more kisses from Jim before stating she needed to use the restroom. He groaned in protest but sat back up, watching Pam sit up and cross the room, giving him a smirk before closing the door behind her.  
  
The phone started vibrating again, and Jim looked to see Karen's name scroll across. He silenced it, then reached for his rum and coke. The phone buzzed after a moment, a "new message icon' now flashing. It was Friday night and he was sure Karen was calling him drunk and lonely, but he figured he should make sure nothing was wrong. With an eye on the bathroom door he hit "play message."  
  
_"Hey Jim."_ No hint of intoxication in her slightly smoky voice, she was sober and definitely nervous. _"I, um, I suppose I should wait to actually talk to you but a message is easier I think. I saw the doctor Wednesday and ... I'm pregnant."_  
  
The oxygen seemed to leave the room and Jim started taking short shallow breaths.  
  
_"And you know this is definitely not how I wanted things but . . . but I'm going to keep it. This is going to sound insincere but I don't want you to feel obligated, I really don't. But if you do want to be involved, in some way or another ... that would be good. Okay, um, please call me back soon."_  
  
Jim dropped the phone back onto the bed, and finished off the the plastic cup of rum and coke in his other hand. He only briefly look at Pam as she came out of the bathroom all smiles, practically skipping to the bed and taking a seat by him.  
  
He was not proud of it, and it was definitely not right, but he let Pam's fingers travel up his jaw and turn his face, let her brush his nose with hers, let her lips give his a couple kisses before he broke away. She looked to him and he felt a sting behind his eyes.  
  
"Karen's pregnant," he said in a whisper. "She just found out. She said she doesn't want me to feel obligated but..." He looked to her, watched her press her lips together and nod. "Pam..." he started, his hand reaching over to touch her face, his lips ready to say that it didn't matter, that he'll do whatever it took for them to be together.  
  
But she took his hand with her own and pulled it down to her lap. "It's okay, it really is," Pam said. Her eyes traveled to their hands, her small, pale fingers intertwined with his. "You should probably head home."  
  
He knew this would be her reaction, that she would immediately steer him to do the right thing. That didn't make it hurt any less. He asked if she would walk him to the subway and she agreed.  
  
She let him hold her hand the whole walk, and when they reached a green railing and a set of stairs he turned to her. He wanted to kiss her one last time but he hugged her instead. "I'm sorry." he said, his lips grazing her cheek.  
  
"I'll be okay," she whispered, her breath tickling his ear. "I already know how to let you go, Jim."  
  
* * * * *  
  
Now calmed by the reacquisition of Kitty, Maria wandered over to Pam and Jackson on the tarp, shyly watching Jackson walk his dino figurines around until Jackson offered one to her. Maria giggled and Jim couldn't help but scoff when Kitty was discarded for a plastic triceratops.  
  
Karen also witnessed Kitty being tossed carelessly behind Maria, she looked to Jim and gave him a shrug then walked over and put her arm around Jim's waist. Their relationship was a little strange for the first few month of her first pregnancy, more like friends who just happened to be having a baby together than a couple. But something changed in Karen, the meticulous planner who liked to analyze everything started embracing the unexpected, her cynical nature giving way to something a little sweeter and optimistic. They finally found something in common in their little boy Mason and as Jim put it, they were pretty awesome at parenting together. And they decided they weren't so bad at being together either. When she found out she was pregnant again, it wasn't any more planned than the first pregnancy but it was something they were ready to take on together.  
  
"Hey Jim," Jim turned to see a dark haired man, a bit shorter than he, walking up with a plastic tub of store bought macaroni salad.  
  
"Hey Will," Jim extended his hand and gave Will's a firm shake. "Thanks for coming up, I know Brooklyn to Connecticut is a pain."  
  
"Oh, no, Pam was talking about this all week, traffic was not a concern. Hi, Karen," Will replied, giving Karen a kiss on the cheek.  
  
"Hey," Karen said, taking the plastic tub from him, "Okay, food will be served in ten minutes."  
  
Walking over to help Karen set up, Jim could see Will approaching Pam and Jackson on the tarp, and Jim told himself he was just suffering a bit of heartburn as Will leaned down to give Pam a quick peck on the lips.  
  
Pam met Will at Pratt, where he was an assistant professor in her modern art history class. Will noticed her the first week of class and decided she has the prettiest smile he had ever seen (an opinion Jim would concur with). He kept his distance but the moment the grades for the semester were turned in he emailed her and asked her to coffee and she accepted.  
  
"I wouldn't have if I knew he had given me a B!" Pam would retort when he told this story.  
  
Will and Pam were good together, funny and artsy. Once Mason was old enough for Jim and Karen to have some kind of social life again they went on double dates often and it was always a good time, and not long after Karen and Jim started telling friends she was pregnant again, Pam announced her own not-totally-planned pregnancy.  
  
It was fine, Jim always told himself. She was happy with her life, he was happy with his and they still were friends. But it was hard not to feel like he lost her a little bit with every life event. She may have known how to let him go but he wasn't sure knew how to truly do the same with her.  
  
When everyone was seated for lunch, Jim and Pam ended up next to each other. Karen walked around the table with a cola bottle in one hand and iced tea in the other. When she reach Pam, Pam clutched her water glass, "I'm off caffeine right now, sadly."  
  
"No caffeine? What, you get knocked up again?" Karen said jokingly as she poured the soda for Jim. Pam shrugged and smiled and Karen's jaw dropped, "Oh my God, are you?"  
  
"I'm due on Christmas," Pam said with grin. Karen squealed and set down the pitchers down quickly to give Pam a big hug. Karen turned to Will for a hug, and Pam looked to Jim.  
  
"That's a pretty awesome Christmas present, Beesly," Jim said, keeping his smile up the best he could.  
  
"I think so, though I'll have to convince Jackson that a little brother or sister will be a better gift than a puppy," Pam said.  
  
Jim shrugged, "You have six months, and you can be very persuasive."  
  
Pam lifted a brow and gave him a smirk (which he always relished in) then turned to receive congratulations from the rest of the table. Jim watched her for a moment before turning his attention to the macaroni salad on his plate.  
  
After getting things cleaned up after lunch, and kicking a soccer ball around with Mason and the other older children, Jim made his way to the park playground where Pam was on a bench in the shade. Across the way, Will and Karen were chatting and pushing Jackson and Maria in their swings.  
  
"I'm really glad you were able to make it, Pam," Jim said, taking a seat by Pam.  
  
"It was really nice, and it's nice to have Jackson had someone to play with," Pam said. "Hey, so before I forget, I got a couple pieces into Pratt's alumni show. The opening is August 26th and you guys are invited of course."  
  
"Great, yeah, I'll tell Karen and we'll plan to come down," Jim said slipping his phone out of his pocket, "August 26 you said?"  
  
Pam peared over to his phone, "Yeah, the last Friday." When Jim closed his calendar app, the date appeared in big letters on the screen. "Oh, that's funny," Pam said softly. Jim asked what and Pam motioned to the phone, "It's just, today is June 10th."  
  
"Yeah?" Jim said, his brows meeting.  
  
"Just, 10 years ago..."  
  
"Oh..." Jim said quietly. "To think you could have been celebrating 10 years of being Pamela Anderson today." he said a little lamely, but he was pleased it still got a chuckle from Pam.  
  
"Yeah, to think of all the Michael jokes I missed out on," Pam said.  
  
"Where did he end up again? Arizona?" Jim asked. Neither he nor Pam had had much to do with Dunder Mifflin after it was sold and reorganized under a company called Sabre several years ago.  
  
"Colorado," Pam said. "Who would have thought he'd ever leave Dunder Mifflin?"  
  
"Without getting fired? Literally no one," Jim said and Pam laughed.  
  
"Funny how things turn out," Pam said, she looked down at her hand, resting next to Jim's. She started in a low voice, "Ten years ago today I was pretty sure I wasn't going to ever see you again. That upset me more than anything that day."  
  
Jim lifted his head, her slightly shiny green eyes meeting his own. "That ... that's one of those little changes I wish I could go back and make."  
  
Pam's eyes widened slightly, they had never really talked about that night in her Pratt dorm. There seemed to be an unspoken agreement that it was better to act as if it hadn't happened, and that nothing good could come of Will or Karen, especially Karen, knowing about it.  
  
"But I guess you can only focus on now, and now we're friends, who will always be there for each other," Jim said with a half-grin. Pam seems a little relieved when she breathed out, and she returned Jim's smile and gave Jim's hand a quick squeeze.  
  
"Mommy, look!" Jackson called as he came running across the playground, Maria, Will and Karen close behind. With everyone's full attention, Jackson squatted then rolled forward in a somersault.  
  
"Oh my gosh, Jackson!" Pam said with a clap.  
  
"I can too, I can too!" Maria said, tucking her head and rolling forward more slowly, still clutching Kitty in her hand.  
  
"Yay, Maria!" Pam said with a laugh.  
  
Maria trotted over to Pam, "Mama says there's a baby in your tummy."  
  
Pam smiled down to Maria, "Yes, there is, the baby is very tiny right now, but it's getting bigger and will be ready to come at Christmas."  
  
"Is it a boy or a girl?" Maria said.  
  
"We don't yet, but we'll love the baby no matter what." Pam leaned forward a bit and spoke in a low voice, "But I'm hoping it's a girl just like you."  
  
Maria giggled, and skipped over to Jim, "Papa, can I play with the baby at Christmas?"  
  
"Oh, sweetie," Jim said, pulling Maria up onto his lap, "I think the baby will be too small to play then, but we can get the baby a present, may get the baby a Kitty also?"  
  
Maria nodded and turned to Pam, lifting up the stuffed animal now dusted with sand. "We'll get the baby a Kitty at Christmas."  
  
Pam giggled and reached out to pat Kitty on the head, "The baby will love it." She looked up to Jim and gave him a smile.  
  
It was funny how things turned out, Jim thought for the rest of the picnic and drive home. Ten years ago this day he was also sure he never would see Pam again nor did he really want to. And now here they were, with their separate families forming and growing. Yes there was still an occasional twinge in his chest, the intermittent "what if" thoughts. Still, seeing her smile and hearing her laugh, it may not be how he pictured Pam being in his life, but it was what he had now. And he was okay with that.

**Author's Note:**

> For set up purposes, this chapter assumed everything up until Pam's Beach Day speech happened, but Jim and Pam's one-one-one at the beach and Pam's yogurt lid note did not.
> 
> if you love that JAM, come join us at [MoreThanThat](http://mtt.just-once.net/fanfiction)
> 
> Check out our [Halloween Writing Contest](http://mtt.just-once.net/fanfiction/news.php?action=newsstory&nid=251)


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